


Can't Lose Anyone Else

by Trhooligan7302



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Slibbs Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:33:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24182917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trhooligan7302/pseuds/Trhooligan7302
Summary: Following Season 16 Episode 20 "Hail and Farewell".  I really needed Gibbs and Sloane to talk after Gibbs left the interrogation room.
Relationships: Jethro Gibbs/Jacqueline "Jack" Sloane
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	Can't Lose Anyone Else

**Author's Note:**

> NCIS writers are amazing. Thank you for these characters, as they are not my own.

“I was trying to do the right thing for her but she still ended up here.” Gibbs says as he shuffles his feet back and forth.

“I regret that choice,” he quietly admits to Tim.

“A few more steps Boss.” Tim encourages him.

He knew what he had to do taking that initial difficult step while thinking to himself, “I’ve got to make this walk once again, through a cemetery, to yet another grave.”

Too many times he has stood next to a casket of a woman he loved or cared about. He can’t help to see flashes of images...first Shannon and Kelly, then Ellen, Kate, Jenny, Diane and Ziva. Too many wonderful women gone from his life.

He had found himself finally alone in the basement. He was grateful for Tim’s concern but at the same time all he wanted to do was work on the boat and crack a new bottle of whiskey. Sanding and drinking to forget the ache in his heart. 

Several hours later and almost the entire contents of the bottle of whiskey, for the second time this week he finds himself annoyed when he hears the front door open. Surely it wasn’t Tim again and he doubted that Ellie or Nick would bother him after the distance he had created this week. 

Which left Jack...who had not been around after he stormed out of the interrogation room. The two of them had been spending a lot of time together both at work and at home. It was not unusual for her to show up with beer and pizza these days at the end of a case. They would talk and work on the boat together. Something that has set her apart from anyone else...she actually wants to learn and work on the boat with him.

Something changed over the last two cases though. They had had their first real disagreement in her office after she had walked off of a working crime scene. He was glad that didn’t stop her from showing up later that week after the case was closed and things had not gone well with Faith. He was still the person she felt safe to fall apart with. He had held her that night while she transitioned from sobbing to crying herself to sleep on his shoulder. 

His head felt heavy and thick with drink as he waited to confirm his suspicions of his visitor. He could feel the anger in his belly as he watched her descend the stairs. He was in no shape for fighting with her tonight. She had pushed him to share things about his personal life in interrogation, she should know better than to think he would share those details with his team watching.

As Jack reached the bottom of the stairs she could feel the tension in the air. He was attempting to sand the hull, his head hung low and he struggled to keep the sander on the boat. She also saw the bottle on the workbench and wondered if it had been full when he started tonight. 

A barely audible voice brought her attention back to the man holding on to the boat. A man that could normally hold his liquor.

“Thought you were going to stay home and not drink with me anymore.” He slurred the words together as he lifts his head to stare at her. 

Jack shrugs, giving him a half smile silently pleading for forgiveness. She had been really upset with him when she said it. She was angry at him for going behind her back to investigate if she had a child.

“Looks like I’m late to the party Cowboy. You started without me.” she says closing the distance between them.

“Haven’t...seen...you...in days.” he stammers.

“Thought you might want to talk. You know, work on that trust thing between us.” she says as she stands next to him. She has never seen him this drunk. She knows there will be no talking tonight. Wouldn’t do any good, he won’t remember.

Gibbs fumbles the sander and drops it at their feet.

“Cowboy, what do you ya say we get you upstairs so you can sleep this off?” she suggests while wrapping her hands around his arm. 

He quickly pulls back stumbling onto the workbench stool. Even through the whiskey induced haze he realizes it's time to call it a night. Maybe she will go once he is upstairs. Jack follows him up stairs guiding him with her hands on the small of his back. He makes his way to the couch and lies down. He looks at her one last time before closing his eyes. She is just standing there staring at him with a concerned look. “Go home Jack,” he whispers as he starts giving in to the alcohol. “It never ends well Jack. You need to keep your distance, we can’t keep this going.” 

She stands there for a moment thinking about how broken he looks right now. Making her think back to last week, imagining she didn’t look much different to him. With a heavy sigh, she grabs a blanket out of the cedar chest next to the couch and covers him with it. The fire he must have started earlier has almost died out so she spends a few minutes adding wood and stoking it back to life. Grabbing another blanket from the chest she snuggles up in the chair next to the couch. There is no way she is leaving him here alone. She wants to be here for him whether he is currently appreciating it or not. Come morning she knows they need to really talk. The past two weeks have been difficult for them but it doesn’t change her feelings for him and she is hoping he feels the same. She spends a few more minutes watching him sleep before drifting off herself.

The sunshine coming through the large front window illuminates her face. She is enjoying the warmth that it brings with it as she opens her eyes. Her eyes are still full of sleep as she starts to focus on the man lying on the couch. She remembers back to when she had doubts whether or not she could work with him. Now, she can’t imagine working without him. The level of closeness they have between them had happened so quickly. Definitely unexpected but over the last year and a half he has become her person. They both carry so much baggage that they haven’t allowed the lines to blur physically although the attraction is always there. They show each other that with small touches and proximity when they talk. She had wondered before the past two weeks how much longer they could keep that up without crossing the line. But now, it seems that line might stay intact for a while longer. She closes her eyes again not quite ready to face the day. She thinks about and recalls images on the back of her eyelids of the good times they have shared. She loves being here, in his space with him. A smile spreads across her lips as she thinks about how comfortable it is here with him, something she hasn’t allowed herself to experience since before Afghanistan. Well, than she allowed herself to experience ever. Unbeknownst to her he is no longer asleep, he is lying there quietly wondering what she is thinking about that has that look on her face. He wants to be furious with her, she had obviously ignored his request to go home and had slept in the chair next to him last night. This beautiful woman next to him is so loving, caring at the same time so maddening and defiant. She doesn’t back down, something that both frustrates him and attracts him to her.

She can feel his eyes on her, watching her so she opens hers to stare back at him. They stay like this for a minute or two. She breaks the silence between them, “I’m going to make some coffee, think we could both use some.”

He nods watching her walk into his kitchen and can’t help but love her familiarity with his home. He decides to take this opportunity to drag himself up from the couch and ascend the stairs to the bathroom. When he returns she is sitting on one end of the couch wrapped in a blanket sipping her coffee. His cup is sitting on the coffee table in front of her indicating she would like him to sit on the couch as well. He obliged her and they sat in silence once again. Something they are both comfortable with. 

He takes a deep breath and begins to talk, “I was so angry at Tim for throwing me off of the case.”

“Why?” she inquires, “He was doing exactly what you would have done if the roles had been reversed. You can’t imagine that was easy for him either.”

He shakes his head, “This is happening because I burned rule 10. I knew there was no going back, I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do but I wasn’t doing it for me...and now you see where I ended up this time without it….”

“Yes, off the case but as soon as you were cleared as a suspect Tim came to you and told you the team needed you. You had to be cleared, personally invested or not Gibbs. I know you understand that.” 

She sits the coffee cup down, “Look, your team has every right to get frustrated with you when you don’t openly show you trust them by being forthcoming with information about your personal life.” 

Gibbs stares into his cup of coffee.

She continues, “Tim called it a closed book. I know you trust them because this case was as personal as it gets. You would have never walked away when Tim asked you to if you didn’t trust the team to do a thorough job and solve the case.”

She shifts her position to completely face him, “You have created a tight family unit where you are there for them in every way that you need to be. Their lives are an open book to you yet you don’t want to have that go both ways.”

He looks defeated and just sits there finally shrugging. “After Helen I promised myself I would never not be there again for the people in my life.”

“Gibbs, from everything I have learned over the past week she was a strong capable marine. You didn’t kill her.”

“I didn’t save her either. I should have been there for her when she asked.” 

Jack could see the anguish in his eyes and hear it in his voice. He continues, “I should have picked up the phone or called her back that night. I thought she wanted to talk about us and I wasn’t willing to talk.

She was asking for my help, maybe I could have saved her.”

Recognizing all too easily his feeling of regret she wants to comfort him, “You can’t play the what if game. You have said that to me too many times in the last year not to take the same advice.”

She pauses to use her finger to tilt his chin so that he is looking at her, “Each time you have looked at me in turmoil and said that to me...I have not wanted to accept it but I know you have been right and have come to accept it. I’m not saying that it is easy but you need to try.”

He counters her, “Jack, you and I will always have regrets, it's a part of who we are.”

“Your right, your past experiences, painful as they are, have helped form the man in front of me. The man I adore, who is willing to help someone in need, even at the expense of himself.”

He nods in agreement giving her one of his half smiles and takes a drink from his cup. 

“Cowboy, your way of dealing with things may not be the healthiest for you or for them but it has worked for you for a long time. It gets you through and you are the type of man that has to get there on your own. You have changed a lot since Paraguay, you’ve said it yourself. I don’t think it is necessarily a bad thing that you burned a rule. It’s going to feel different and uncomfortable but that’s ok. We aren’t living life if we don’t change as time goes by...and sometimes change doesn’t feel good at first. I’m just going to ask that you don’t stop living life to its fullest because it’s uncomfortable.”

She wants to know what he is thinking, he has gotten quiet again. He holds the coffee cup in one hand and places the other on the couch in between them. It takes her just a few seconds to slide her hand over on top of his and intertwine their fingers. 

It’s his turn to break the silence this time, without looking at her he quietly asks, “Why was it you in interrogation?”

He makes eye contact now and his voice becomes more forceful, “That’s not how you and I operate...we have each other’s back, we are on each other’s side!”

Her large brown eyes lock with his, “That’s exactly what I was doing.”

Her voice is full of comfort, “You think anyone on the team wanted to walk through that door? I was the only one willing to step in there and ask you about someone that you loved. I thought you might take it best from me but that wasn’t the case was it?” 

His eyes never leave hers, he tilts his head and opens his mouth to speak but doesn’t.

She takes this opportunity to continue, “You never answered my question, your exes are always the ones to break off the relationship. Why did you break it off? Why was she different from all the others?”

She watches him carefully, noticing him swallowing hard and his eyes becoming glassy. She squeezes his fingers just slightly hoping it will nudge him.

“I broke it off because I had to.” He can feel his emotions starting to get the better of him and looks at the ceiling.

“I didn’t deserve her...and because I loved her.”

He once again makes eye contact with Jack and the unshed tears leak their way onto his cheeks, “It never ends well” he whispers.

She quickly removes the blanket from around her shoulders and without letting go of his hand straddles his lap. With one hand she wipes the tears from his cheek and wraps him in a hug. She feels him let go of her hand and she quickly moves that arm around the other side of his neck. His hands move to the small of her back holding her to him.

He chokes out, “It’s not fair to you and I can’t lose you too.”

She whispers in his ear, “Cowboy, I’m not going anywhere. You and I both know how short life can be. I want to live life to its fullest and I want to do that with you by my side. I don’t know where exactly we are and I’m not in a rush to label it. But I’m not letting go of you because you think that I might die. I refuse to believe that being with you and dying have anything to do with each other.”

She pulls back enough to place her forehead on his, “Do you want this?”

His hands come up to frame her face, he stares at her beautiful determined face and knows the answer, “Yes Jack, I want this” he says before he places a soft kiss to her lips.

It is now her turn for tears to flood her eyes, she returns the kiss before resuming their full body hug. They sit like this for a while finding comfort in each other’s arms. For the first time in a long time they both relish in the possibilities of sharing their life with someone.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is welcome. Thanks for reading.


End file.
